Why there is no age limit on friendship

Have old pals. Have young pals. Both slap

If you see a decent picture of me you can guarantee it was taken by Amy, left

Towards the end of my recent 60th birthday party, as the bowling club staff cleared glasses and discussed lawn upkeep, there were maybe seven of us left on the dance floor.

The youngest was in her mid 50s, the oldest pushing 70. The 20-30 year olds had bowed out, leaving a hard core of fun-loving bus pass-holders demonstrating how it’s done until chucking out time.

One of the many fantastic things about this party was the huge range of ages present in the room.

The youngest guests were my son and his girlfriend, both 19. The oldest  were deep into their 70s. Every decade in between was well represented. 

This, for me, is what a party should look like. What a friendship group should look like. I want to have parties where my son chats to people he has known since he was in utero. They love to ask him about his dragons’ eggs nose piercing and admire his obnoxious knitwear.

I love that the younger journalists I’ve mentored all turned up with husbands, pals and colleagues and humoured me by playing pass the parcel.

(Everyone humoured me by playing pass the parcel, which began sedately then quickly became riotous and led to demands for musical bumps.)

A former colleague - maybe in his late 40s -  turned up around 11pm to see if there was still anyone there. He was astounded to find a load of oldies dancing to Cher. And Rod Stewart.

(These were requests, obviously, my playlist was way cooler than that.)

Look at me, down with the kids

One of the reasons that being 60 does not feel like I thought being 60 would feel like is that I don’t hang out exclusively with other old crocks. And the ones who do make the guest list buy their clothes from Cos and go on holiday to Berlin.

Do I take being down with the kids too far? My son thinks so. He recently rolled his eyes at my use of the verb slap to mean something other than to give something a playful smack.

I think he’s being a bit stern with his auld maw. I love language, the way it changes and evolves. My book club (age range late 20s to, well, me) were positively impressed when I said that whatever weird body horror novel we had just been reading slapped. They did not feel the need to put it on the proscribed list or to make a disapproving face.

In fact the second oldest member of the group has now adopted slapped and drops it into conversation quite the thing.

The book club was well represented at the party and fitted in brilliantly with other friends from different parts of my life. Thanks to them I am currently reading Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica. There is no way on God’s green earth that I would have picked up a slim volume of Argentinian splatterpunk if I did not have a date in my diary to discuss it with them.

Hang out with the young and you too can experience Argentinian splatterpunk

That’s why everyone needs younger pals. They talk us into doing crazy shit that we would otherwise miss because we were listening to The Archers. As well as several books that I have not exactly enjoyed but am glad I read, I have been to see the Barbie movie on opening night wearing all the pink clothing I possess, been insulted by several drag queens and learned of the existence of a shots wheel.

I have yet to actually consume a shot chosen in this frankly terrifying manner but baby steps.

See video below, of me consuming a shot at the aforementioned birthday party. Mine is vodka. I leave the terrifying stuff that looks like Calpol to the young people. The shot was purchased by Amy, pictured above. And also documented by her. Here’s a really good reason to have young friends - they take brilliant photographs and videos. She is better than many of the professional photographers I’ve worked with.

If I am struggling with Canva, she is there to help. Which knee boots should I buy for this season? She is straight in there with the best recommendations. I reciprocate by suggesting wholesome menus when she is entertaining guests with difficult allergy regimens. And making Peter Gordon’s spiced nuts. There is no generational boundary on adoring these.

Cool older people, on the other hand, bring hope for the future. They offer a model of being even older that is a sweet relief from the saccharine imagery of Voltarol, Specsaver and Viagra ads. Everyone needs a sweary 70-year-old in their life.

I know these publications are trying. But they make me lose the will to live

Plus, with friends in the upper demographic reaches, there’s always someone around to chum you to the opera. And, bonus, while you are there, if you can get up to the grand circle unaided you are young and hot compared to many of the rest of the audience. 

Where did my desire for a mixed-vintage friendship group come from? Being the daughter of a teacher definitely helped. The staffroom contained colleagues of all ages, who were constantly having parties. I learned to cook making chocolate leaves and waterlily tomatoes for retirement parties, big birthday parties and leaving dos as well as Christmas, Hogmanay and other occasions that called for an impeccably garnished fork supper.

To baby Anna, nothing seemed more normal than a load of rackety mates spanning several generations eating garlic bread - I graduated on to that pretty quickly - and drinking heavily.

Now I’m a teacher myself, sort of, I am looking forward to further cross-pollination with other lecturers and students. This has got off to an admittedly slow start as my students look alarmed when I suggest they come and ask me a question after the class.

Not one has so far done the 21st-century equivalent of bringing me an apple, although one did mansplain fact checking websites to me the other day.

I have only met three of my colleagues and have yet to be invited to a departmental nights of shame. But I live in hope. 

Welcome to all the new subscribers who enjoyed my waspish take on the late Alex Salmond. I can’t promise more of the same every week but it’s great to have you here and I hope you enjoy the video of me drinking a shot.